Do You Not Prefer To Be Physically Strong, Even If Only In Your Dreams?

Little did I know last year about this time, how different my life would be today.  My today is better than my yesterday.  I am blessed and grateful that I am able to speak those words.

I was blessed with many dreams from last year until even about one hour ago.  I got up and started gathering some of the old papers written and plugged a few in.  The irony of my life of last year and my life of this year.  I was turning 40. 

Here I am 40, soon to turn 41 and the dreaming with wolves has started again.  It had stopped for a little bit.  Do I dare write down the past dreams from this year?  Or do I just start from tonight from about an hour ago?

My physical body is the weakest it has ever been.  I am coming to terms of what I can do today versus what I used to be able to do yesterday.  That is lie, I am fighting it with every inch of my body, soul, and spirit.  I was able to work through some of the pain today.  It has been along time since I have had the strength to do that.

I laid myself down to take a nap and I was sleeping, dreaming, I was surrounded by glorious vegetation, reminders of my youth no doubt, in my jungle.  I was floating in my favorite river, just allowing my heart to heal and to just be.  I love the quietness one can hear and feel when you are floating in the water and your ears are submersed in the water and it is like a blanket of quietness.  Like a gentle hug from the water that surrounds you and carries you and holds you as you float and breathe the quietness in.

I got out of the water and laid down in the green area, my favorite blankets and pillows were already there.  Nothing like falling asleep while you are already in a dream.  I woke up and found Moon close by.
I was overwhelmed and cried as I hugged my dear friend.  "I missed you Moon."  "I have not left you my dear, I am always around."  "Allow yourself to heal, allow your heart, spirit, and soul to continue healing, your body begs for sleep, for it is how it heals."  "Moon, how do I heal my physical body?"  Tears ran down my face and Moon asked me, "what was the first step in allowing your heart to heal?" I whispered, "acceptance, acceptance of what I feel in my heart, but how do I accept my physical weakness?"  "It feels like accepting my physical weakness at this moment, would be like giving up?"  " I will not give up on myself, others do not understand and I realize that I do not want them to know the extent of my physical pain, physical weakness, my spirit and heart is strong."  "Is not the strength in my heart not enough?" 

"Our world is what you make of it.  Here we are together, you are dreaming and yet you are physically weak.  Why are you physically weak in your dreams?  Do you not prefer to be physically strong, even if only in your dreams?"